I am happy.
how many of us can say that? especially in the tumblr world of depression and love quotes and spiteful posts?
yes, i take the time to read some peoples’ blogs and quotes about relationships, the negative connotation of it, the suffocation of it, and all the new shit they learned after leaving relationships because i used to be that girl.
However, I am finally happy with my life and my relationship with Austin. He makes me regret ever saying I was in love, or dropping the F word: Forever. I get to be in a relationship that isn’t centered around drugs, alcohol, partying, verbal/physical abuse, or changing each other to reach the standards. I get to be with the standard. I get to be myself without ever having to be BY myself. I get to fully enjoy someone for who they are, and let them enjoy me just as I am.
I feel like Austin knows me better than anyone has ever known me. He understands my blue print, my music, my health problems, my faith, my diet, my finances, my sexual needs. I’ve never put out more music in my life, I’ve never had so much sex in my life, I’ve never been so clean in my life, I’ve never been so financially stable in my life.
Austin writes songs about me, always tells me how lucky he is, reminds me that he loves my big eyes, cuddles with me the way I like even if it’s uncomfortable for him, drives all the way out to Barstow just to see me for a weekend, plays video games with me and lets me win, opens every single door for me, listens to me when I wanna vent, keeps my secrets when I feel like dropping a nasty line about someone, wakes up in the middle of the night to sing to me when I bug him about a bad dream, watches Weeds & Adventure Time with me til we fall asleep, FaceTimes with me when I’m scared and alone in my apartment, holds intellectual conversations with me.
But besides all of the things he does for me, the things I love about him is how he pushes up his glasses with the inside of his index finger rather than the point, his obsession with having clean hands, how he uses hot water instead of cold to wash his hands and dishes, i love how he does the Lumpy Space Princess voice, I love how HE wakes ME up for church for once in a relationship, I love how we positively influence each other to never bad mouth anyone, make moves financially, and set higher goals, I love how his tumblr and his instagram is saturated with proof of how pretty he thinks I am, I love how he lets me make asshole statements and just goes along with it, I love how he and I can practice our acting skills and crying on demand in front of each other, I love how he understands my sick obsession for hair/extensions/wigs and he doesn’t judge me when I play dress up, he loves my alter-egos, I love how he tickle fights and never lets me win, I love how he takes pride in me not succumbing to smoking weed when he does it constantly, I love how he smokes weed solely for medicinal use because I love how he just may be the first person to beat Crohn’s, I love how he spells his last name, I love how he loses his car keys constantly but not as constantly as he forgets where he parks, I love how upset he gets with himself at little things just so I can pick his spirits back up, I love his facial expressions, I love how he can look like he’s 30 with facial hair, and 13 without it, I love his friends holy shit and I love being around them, I love how he continuously talks about ideas, I love how he is his 2nd biggest fan after me, I love how he is all for my modeling career and how in the car scene i am without being spiteful and insecure, I love how he lets me be the sexual sassy and witty being I am, I love how he and I cuss at each other and laugh like we’re homies, I love how he and I make conscious decisions to not drink because it only brings negative things into our relationship, I love how he wears REAL Ray Bans, I love how we talk in 50 millions different voice-over accents, I love how he makes it a long distance relationship, not a long distant relationship.
this is EXACTLY who we are behind closed doors when no ones watching, when the popularity contest and the fashion contest is over. Behind closed doors with all the ugly, lack of makeup, hair products, what have you, the raw us is just as happy if not MORE happy than we are in public. We are not just a Facebook relationship attempting to make every other couple jealous. On the contrary, I wish I could log down more inside jokes and epic conversations we have than we already do/post on the www.
This blog wasn’t to anyone or for anyone but merely myself and all the readers that can relate to the rare reciprocity I found in love. This blog was to me to read and reread over and over again and to eventually add to my list of reasons why i love you Austin.
I am so fucking lucky.